I'm so SO sorry for sounding emo but I just had to get my grouses out.

I suddenly feel very scared.

I don't know why.
I just feel freaking insecure now and I don't know why.

I hate being someone with an S personality.

Because it shows that I'm someone who's vulnerable to feeling insecure all the time.

And that's a really horrid feeling, Trust me.

I don't know for how long have I actually felt secure.

I've been feeling this way for ages and ages.

But now its just starting to freak me out man.

I think its brave for people to post about all those kind of things that happen in your life on your blog.

I'm not referring to anyone in particular. Really.

But I really look up to those people who are not afraid to show how they feel.

People who are able to be past caring what people think of them.

People who can be happy and secure just because they have the don't care attitude.

Some people say its through God.

Some others say its just through trusting urself and loving urself more.

Whereas I've tried both but they somehow don't seem to work for me.

Like have you ever felt so alone?

Like its just you, a one man army, against a billion soldiers, all coming at you in different directions.

No one's got ur back. No one's gonna help you up when you fall. No one's gonna give you a pat on your back when you've done well. No one's gonna care whether you've done well or not. No one's actually there for you.

Believe me or not, that is one of the scariest feelings in the world. Trust me.

This feeling is far far far far far worse then failing an exam, far worse than losing your loved one, far worse than being sent to the execution room for immediate execution.

No. Because even then, at least you're blessed at the fact that there is someone out there who is actually feeling sad for you. Who actually cares whether or not you will be okay.

I'm tired.

I'm helpless.

I've fallen down and I've yet to find the strength to get myself back up again.

Suddenly, I feel the ground may seem much more comforting than having to face the world.

I've lost faith.

And I'll never trust again.

because each time I do my very best to try to trust someone,

it all leads to more hurt in the end.

You know sometimes I envy the people who've lost their memory.

Its said that they will become a much happier person.

How true. I find.

At least they've completely forgotten about their past.

Completely forgotten about their painful experiences.

Completely forgotten about their times of heartbreak.

Completely forgotten and forgiven the people who'd hurt them.

All they'll say (in my opinion) is:

"*looks at the person* Oh hey, even though I don't remember you, but oh well, anyway I've forgotten what you'd done to me, so let's be friends once again. *extends hand out*"

Many responsibilities. Many things to do. Many problems. So little time.

xoxoxo "Sometimes the one who says their okay is the one who needs a hug the most."