Alone.

I guess I just don't like being alone. Not alone alone, but I don't like the feeling of loneliness & without having anyone to rely on.

My dad's always busy, he's always going overseas to M'sia & all those, I missed him quite a bit when I was younger, I missed how he normally wasn't around, & just yea. But at least my mum was around with us, but now my mum's gonna be really busy too. & I just.. I just kinda hate that. 

I understand it's cause of work & stuff, but it's just.. 

I don't like the feeling of having to be the only adult in the house, & not.. & not have anyone else more senior for me to go to if I need any help.

I know I'm sort of an adult already, I'm sort of supposed to have my own responsibilities & even take care of those around me & my younger siblings & all, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish I could be taken care of instead of always taking care of others, you know how that feels? 

It's tiring always having to look out for others & their well-being when there's no one there to help YOU watch your back. 

It's like, you're all alone out there in this cold lonely war, fighting with your buddies but everyone else is just taking care of themselves first, while you're the sole warrior helping to ensure everyone's fine.

I've always believed in the saying "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you." I used to think it was true, I will get back what I give to others, I really used to believe it.

But after so much, sometimes this world isn't as beautiful as it seems, sometimes you just may not get back what you truly deserve & all you can do is give a small shrug & well, "C'est La Vie." 

*takes in deep breath*

I just needed to get it off my chest cause it's been so heavy, especially lately when everything hasn't seemed to go right at all.

I'm tired, sick, want a break.

I was thinking after As, instead of going to work, or going on a holiday or playing whatnot, I want to see the world.

I want to see this world for what it really is. I want to go on a meaningful trip where I'll come back home stronger. I'll come back home with a happier heart. I'll come back with a greater understanding about life, about everything else. That will truly be the most unforgettable & meaningful break I've had. That's what I want. Because I've been living too unhappily. I just. 

I know I've to trust in you, Lord, & I know sometimes it'll be really difficult, the going will get so tough that I'll really want to give up so badly. Because right now my heart feels so heavy it's getting difficult to breathe. But you told me you have better plans for me, so I shall continue to believe & trust in you & see what greater plans you have in store for me.

Thank you for all the plans you've made for me before & for some of the people you've placed in my life. 

Please don't let these angels that you've placed in my life leave me, ever.

Thank you.

Amen.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Always stay strong, be tough, you say.