Hmm.

"Having someone break your heart before doesn't give you the right to break someone else's. Especially since you should know how it feels.. Exactly."

Nah I'm alright I've just been thinking a lot lately bout a lotta stuff.

I think I know what I want to do. I think I know my goal in life. I.. Think.

I was in the car on the way to Cameron highlands just this afternoon, when I suddenly (well u know in those long car rides..) started asking myself this question: "Where do u see urself in 10 years time?"

I imagined myself being a mother, with kids. Literally. Hahaha. Do NOT ask me about my husband and all because I didn't get an image of his face cause I've not found my husband. HAHA. 

I thought about my job in 10 years time, & I definitely knew it was not going to be a fixed 9-5 job facing the computer ALL DAY. Because I instantly felt uneasy thinking about living that kind of lifestyle every single day.

My goal in life is to have a nice family & have time for my family & time for my kids. I want to set up an online business where I can imagine myself having time to pick up my kids from school, bring them out to nice cafés & to shop, while still being able to earn a living running my online business.

I want to create like an online supermarket, & hopefully one day, it'll go big & it will become like an online Giant supermarket. Hahaha that sounds crazy right? But well, I guess I'll try.

& after I thought about what I would be like exactly in 10 years time.. To summarize:

In 10 years time, I wish I would be a successful businesswoman & housewife running a successful online business, with a nice family where I get to still have enough time for my kids.

After that, I started to think back about what I would imagine myself to be in maybe.. The nearer future.. Like 5 years time.

& somehow whatever I imagined always revolved around having this online business.

After setting up this online business & assuming it does well enough to earn me a decent living, I would want to travel, & explore the world before I have kids. Preferably with my other half of course hahaha. It would be nice to get to go to nice places on backpack while I'm still young, & I definitely hope I'll get to go to even places like Ethiopia or Africa to small villages to help the people there, in one way or another. 

That's where I thought of the part where part of my profits from my online business can be donated to charities all over the world, as I've always wanted to do sth like social world & help make this world a better place & help the needy people. So this definitely satisfies what I've also always wanted to do. 

Then I imagine myself exploring different kinds of jobs while I'm still running this OB (online business) HAHA 

Like I'll still be trying out other part time jobs just for fun, just to gain exposure & try as many things as I can while I'm here on this earth. 

I guess I'm one who really likes to try new stuff & I will constantly want to challenge myself to push myself to try something new & better & to improve myself. 

Well, I mean I was just thinking about stuff today & this was what I came up with so far. At least these ideas get me hyped up & excited & I feel happy if I ever get to live such a life. 

Whoever's reading this, & maybe u may think this is impossible or u may start off telling me things like "You know, in reality.. This may not be-" just stop.

Maybe in future things will not go as smooth as I say here, but I guess people have dreams hahaha & this is my dream. 

So I hope to work towards this. 

Well at least now I'm seriously considering the online business part. 

& I even have some plans of where I'm going to start. But I guess we'll see.

& I hope God will continue to help me shed some light on the path I'm supposed to take & help me along the way to one day realise my dream hehe.

Another wish for myself:

I wish to become a more confident person, to become a person with a higher self esteem. 

I no longer want to keep putting myself down.

I always think I'm a really boring person.

No, honestly. 

I may be chatty I may talk a lot. But after awhile, that's all there is to me. 

I want to stop reminding myself how boring I really am because I end up being very self conscious & it just brings my mood down a lot after awhile. 

I honestly keep reminding myself, that I'm a boring person people will get sick of after awhile, I'm not as pretty, not as smart, not as sporty, not as tall, not as fit. 

I always put myself down so much I want to stop doing that & start loving myself more for who I am. 

I want to accept my flaws & improve myself. 

Hahaha I'm sorry if this post doesn't really fully make sense cause I have it all in my head but it's hard to pen it all down!! 

Hahaha but I just hope one day, the Jiawen that's typing this at exactly 12am today, would upgrade to become a better version HAHA. 

Stay tuned.

xoxoxoxoxo still having a heavy heart.