Exhausted

I'm just so tired I'm crying.

I really hate studying right now.

It's like this cycle has been repeated consistently everyday this week I'm going crazy.

Study study study, go to school take paper, study study study somemore, go to school take another paper, study study study... & the cycle repeats.

I feel so so so tired I can't.

And I'm really disappointed with today's Chem paper 3 like I studied so hard for it but I ended up not being able to do well, or at least have a sense of satisfaction after the paper.

Why? Why do I even work so hard when all I get at the end of the day is still tears & disappointment.

& now it seems like no form of encouragement can help me because no one understands. I'm sorry to say this, I mean a lot of people say they cannot do the paper & all but how many actually mean truly that they can't do as many questions as I truly can't do? 

When I'm upset, when I cry, when I say I couldn't do it, I mean it. I really am afraid of not doing well for As.

I'm deathly afraid. Like I'm afraid I have to U turn next year. I'm so afraid of even saying this word like what if it comes true I'll have to U turn I can't. 

Omg I'm so.

Then what now? I shouldn't even continue going for the exams to take the other papers.

Ugh I don't know I feel so so so crappy now.

I'm really afraid of getting back results already. I'm afraid of getting that stupid one piece of paper that stupidly determines the rest of your life.

It's really stupid I hate how this world works. It really really sucks.

I wish I could be assured. I wish someone who knows stuff could truly tell me "It will be alright." & I can believe them because I know that they know what will happen in the end.

I know that person is God. He is the only person that I can trust & that can truly assure me that things will be alright, but I just wish I could truly hear him talking to me, to see him to feel his presence to hear him telling me, "It's going to be alright & I will make sure of it."

I'm so scared. 

& the thing is I studied. I really did.

It's not like I never put in the effort, but why do I still feel so horrible? 

This just sucks.

& I'm also running out of time to type this post because I have to have my dinner & then I'll have to study physics for my paper tmr.

& I'm afraid of tmr cause Physics has NEVER been a subject that I could do well for. NEVER. 

I don't want to fail any subject at all for As.

I really wish & hope I can maintain at the very least a C & above for ALL subjects. Preferably one or two As? 

Why does pure hard work not equal to success in this world.

This sucks. Everything sucks.

I feel worn out, exhausted.

I just pray for things to get better soon, for me to feel better once more.

xoxoxoxoxo