Updates from 2013

Wow it's been so long since I last blogged.
Really so dang long but well, busy busy busy me as usual.

Not sure if this is gonna be a short or a long post cause
1. It's 12.56AM.
2. My iPhone's only left with exactly 20% battery.
3. I'm having a headache.
4. My stomach's growling like mad so if I don't sleep soon I'm afraid my gastritis might act up.

Life's been pretty meh lately. Everyday passes by like a blur cause now we're having the holidays & I've got to say this is probably one of the first holidays I don't actually have actual homework to finish & rush out.
HOWEVER we have it worse. We have to do REVISION instead.
Which kinda sucks more if u ask me.
I honestly haven't been doing much revision & I'm really feeling guilty about it & it's alright almost halfway into the holidays (REALITY CHECK TO SELF)

I really hope I'm able to do well for Mid yrs like I really really hope I'm able to at least pass all subjects & my goal for myself is to be able to get a minimum of C for all subjects for mid yrs but actually now, looking at my progress, I just wish I can get a minimum of D for all subjects. Yeap. C'mon Jiawen, you've got to show it to urself that you CAN do it.

You know how some people say that failures only make one stronger & that we learn from our failures & from our mistakes & we'll always become more successful? I want to believe in that too but somehow with each failure or setback that I face, I just get more & more demoralized. & I'm not even kidding when I say I get demoralized. I get really upset & I'll start doubting myself & picking on myself & proving to myself that I'm a failure & I'm just not able to get things right. Like ever.
That's why I'm praying with all my heart that with a little effort this holidays I'm able to at least get a D for all subjects for Mid yrs to prove to myself that I'm not all a failure that I feel myself to be.

& I have alot of insecurities. I hate waking up every single day to insecurities.
Omg why is this post becoming a post to rant about such stuff hahaha sorry peeps but I guess this is gonna be a rant post so u guys can skip this part if I want but I really need to vent.
I don't like myself, in fact I hate the fact that I always over think. ALWAYS. I always think too much & end up scaring myself & making myself feel even more insecure about what people think about me, about what people are actually saying about me, about what kind of a person I really am.
They often say that it's not good to over think & fact is, 90% of the things u think about when u over think aren't even true & people don't even think that badly of u.
I try. I try not to think too deep into stuff, but always, whenever I'm left alone for too long, whenever I've free time for myself to start daydreaming, whenever I have time before I go to bed, I'll start to think. & that, to me is scary.
Sigh I guess that's why sometimes I hate loneliness, I hate the thought of constantly being alone.
I always wished to be a happier person, to always look at the bright side of things, assuring myself that there's always a good side to any situation. I often encourage my friends & all those around me to think positive as well, I'll often chide them whenever they are sure they can't do it's or they think negative.
& I wish & I hope in future whenever I start to think negatively, there'll be this small voice in my head encouraging me & telling me I CAN & to never give up. Sometimes I think I should start listening to myself & what I say to others.

Negative stuff aside, I'm rather excited about the study dates I'm gonna be having next week & also this week haha (:
Today was great cause I went back to school with Kelly S for econs & we did some productive econs notes doing, but before that we definitely filled our tummies with Mac Breakfast (:
Then we even went for a movie, Now you see me, & it was an AWESOME movie OMG. Really (:
"The closer you look, the lesser you'll find, the more steps behind you'll be." Haha the last part was added on by the both of us cause I was like "I'm like 1000 steps behind in this movie, I'm still processing what it's about." HAHAHAHA really awesome movie so if you're reading this while the movie is still screening, go watch it kayys (:
Tmr we'll be going back to school for another session again so just hope it'll be a productive one (:

Then next week I'll have more study dates with EsCas, my primary school Besties (:
& wed will be with my dearest Yuju (: Sec sch Bestie hahaha (:
& well just hope I can even be able to meet up with more people & more old friends so I can have more things to look forward to (:

Yeapps so my phone batt's left with 16% currently.
Phew not bad I managed to type this post using 4% hahaha!

Okay so some updates in my life that I'm lazy to type in Prose:
1. For Sports Day, my class 1210 & peer class 1310 emerged as CHAMP10NS for Captain's Ball & I'm so so so insanely proud of my class for that. <3 p="">2. Did I even mention that I got a dog? I don't know if my previous posts did say anything but his name's Lucky & he's a Jack Russell Mini Pinscher mix breed (:
3. I wish I had a 24hr chef right now to cook me something anything edible. Cause I'm that hungry.
4. I really need to cut my nails cause they are like, so long right now omg. (Beechy tone)
5. It is currently 1.20am. AM.
6. I'm currently playing a kiddy & girly game called Star Girl. (Go download & add me as friend if u also wanna play okie! 7FJBM :B)
7. Why does this seem more like a confession kinda thing now HAHAHA.
8. Homaigawwww my life is so boring I can't think of any other interesting thing to say.
9. I really miss my old friends. Like Jiamin, David, Xizhe, Annabel & the people I'm gonna meet up with next week & all my other old friends. If any of u are seeing this PLEASE ASK ME OUT SOON CAUSE I MISS U GUISE LIKE MAD OKAYTHANKSBAI.
10. I recently got really hooked on the new loading screen with the SUPAFREAKIN ADORABLE dancing ghost while loading. I keep replaying & watching & laughing to myself. Yes I am a lil weird don't judge but STILL CUTE WHAT.

Okay I am officially gonna go sleep now.
I love you guys reading this thanks for even taking the time to read this (:

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Sweet dreams, sleep tight. <3 p="">