只有这么做，我们才能够走更远的路。
My eye hurts like shit now but my heart feels so heavy I just wanna blog first before going to bed so I can maybe rest a little better.
I should start prioritizing what's important in my life. It sucks so so much when what I consider important, doesn't actually have that much of a value to be regarded as important, but I still do value that the most. Do u get what I'm trying to say?
I shouldn't let things affect me so much.
What for place something of such high importance but know that in the end you would still not get anything out of it, but u might end up even more hurt than ever?
There are people in my life that I truly treasure. People that I hold close to my heart. People that I really rely on, people that I truly truly love & would do everything in my ability to protect them no matter what.
Since always, I've HATED goodbyes.
I ALWAYS cry when my favourite aunt leaves me to go back to M'sia or nicely versa when I have to go back to s'pore.
Always.
I would want the people that I value to forever remain in my life.
But what am I supposed to do when under circumstances, we are forced to have to say goodbye?
There's yet another chapter in my life that has come to an end: JC.
I feel sad, honestly, because I know we would all drift apart no matter what. No. Matter. What.
Maybe the others do not care as much, they'll just say "Aiya nvrm wan la, confirm can still keep in touch ma!"
But "keeping in touch" is only an option, it's just said as a form of comfort that we would not truly lose one another.
But in fact, we truly will.
But I care. I care so much & I hate it somehow too.
I give in so much, I care so much sometimes I just end up causing more harm to myself than is necessary.
I don't want to feel so affected but I can't help it & then I only have myself to blame at the end of it all.
People would call me sensitive, dumb, an over-thinker. But that's just who I am.
I can't help it.
That's why I'm always so afraid. I'm always embroiled in the world of insecurities, of what people think of me, of what people say about me.
You know how sometimes u might just feel so out of place. Somehow u just feel so out of place in a certain group in a certain place you just want to get out & have some fresh air because u just feel like you're gasping for air & it's so tormenting you're having a panic attack.
& to You:
I'm sorry. I didn't trust. I didn't have the courage to trust you enough. & that's what happened. I'm sorry.
I want to walk out of all these well, better, Stronger.
When you place ur trust in someone, it's like taking a gun & placing it against ur head, trusting that the person would not pull the trigger.
But sometimes love is when you know that the person will pull the trigger but you still allow them to be the one controlling the gun anyway.
Am I even making sense throughout this post? I have so much to say. But it's just, too much that I've been keeping it's hard to open up.
But at the end of this all:
Note to self:
Put down the baggages in your heart.
Do not overvalue people at the expense of yourself. Always love yourself first before you can learn to love others. Please Jiawen.
No one said it was going to be easy.
And yet, No one told me it was going to be this hard.
xoxoxoxoxoxo 就因为我笨，我天真。
No comments:
Post a Comment