I knew it.

I don't like what I'm becoming. 

I don't like the way I'm talking to my parents.

But I also do not like the way they are treating me. 

I feel so lost. Aimless. I don't know what's my aim for each day though I know that I'm supposed to be researching for my Uni stuff & all those but I dread. I dread searching for those stuff cause I don't wanna go through the whole process of school alone once more. 

I'm afraid of changes, of making new friends & stuff.

I wish my parents could actually be here helping me with my uni stuff & all but they're forever so so busy. 

It feels like everyone else is busy with their own stuff I really don't want to bother them. 

I always feel like an annoying pest & I'm such a boring person. 

I have friends, but it seems like I can't talk to anyone whenever something's up or when I'm just feeling so low & so down & I just need someone to be there to hold me when I'm falling & tell me that everything's gonna be okay. 

I mean it won't be right for people to constantly ask me if I'm alright if I have any problems because everyone else is just so busy with their own stuff. 

And I really don't want to become a burden to anyone. 

I can't seem to tell people what's up with me & I don't open up to just anyone cause I can't. I'm afraid of opening up because I'm afraid that the person will just think I'm a bother & that's it. 

I care too much & I think too much. It sucks when someone that's important to you doesn't treat u as somebody that's important to them. 

It's not their fault at all, but the feeling just kinda sucks. 

I wish I could talk to The Lord as in a person. I wish he were here physically to comfort me & to listen to me & to talk to me like a true best friend. Like I want to be able to see him & stuff. 

I always never get what people mean by The Lord told me that this & that. I get really jealous by that cause I don't feel like The Lord talks to me. I mean I always feel like it's one-sided & I'm here crying & praying to The Lord & all I get back is silence. 

I knew all these was going to happen right from the start. I knew right after graduation no matter what we said about keeping in touch & stuff, we would still drift apart no matter what. Even if we do keep in touch, the feeling's different. Topics change, & we're all just busy with our own stuff sometimes we don't have time to care. 

I knew it all along but why do I still hurt so much now? 

Goodnight world. 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Lord please give me a sign.